We'll Go to Great Places (Where the Sun Never Burns Out)
by OpheliacAngel
Summary: In the grips of riding through her sickness, Tana thinks of home and Pearl and all the reasons why she left. Written for h/c bingo during amnesty for the prompt 'homesickness.' Post-book. Tana/Gavriel/Aidan.


**Title:** We'll Go to Great Places (Where the Sun Never Burns Out)

 **Author:** OpheliacAngel

 **Pairing:** Tana/Gavriel, Tana/Aidan, Tana/Gavriel/Aidan

 **Genres:** Romance/Angst

 **Rating:** Teen

 **Summary:** In the grips of riding through her sickness, Tana thinks of home and Pearl and all the reasons why she left.

 **A/N:** Written for h/c_bingo during amnesty for the prompt 'homesickness.' Post-book.

* * *

It wasn't a question of whether or not she could prevent herself from feeding, nor was it a question of whether or not Gavriel would cave into her feigned change of heart. The only question was whether one morning, Tana would wake up in a form of coherency and realize that a vampire plus vampire plus human equals workable relationship was indeed unworkable.

Tana already knew that in the deepest, darkest depths of her that not even the sickness could touch the knowledge that Gavriel wanted to be with her. It wasn't just responsibility or the suspicion that no other girl could keep up with him or understand him as she could not fully understand herself, but it was in other ways that she knew.

He was a candle that burned at both ends, a flame flickering in the darkest yet also most rational part of Tana's mind that could easily burn her. Gavriel could give up on her, could let her feed from him and further the hold the sickness had on her. It should be in his best interest to let her go cold. Tana was strong but she knew she was not strong enough to hold him back.

Aidan would have taken joy in letting her feed from him, or at least he would have when they first came to Coldtown. When he couldn't trust her not to leave him behind, when Tana was so desperate then for just that small chance to get out.

They had told her she wouldn't be needing the marker, and they were right. Not for herself, anyway. She had chosen this place, chosen her friends and Gavriel because in her soul she knew she could not go back home. That had once been home to her, before her mother turned, before she allowed her mother to turn, but her father was never there anymore and Pearl was not enough to make her stay. If that made her sound like a terrible sister than so be it. It was no longer in her control now.

In the throes of screaming and crying and begging - she had to have some outlet, some way to share her agony, agony that Gavriel understood intimately but in a far different sense - she knew that she could go back to a part of her that had once been, not the whole of her but at least a part.

Aidan taking care of her sister had been his apology, and now Tana had to make hers. The disintegration of their relationship had been a two-way street, he had failed her and she had failed him, but there were no broken shards to glue back together. Tana _and_ Aidan had always been there, in the background, where no one could touch them permanently enough to dislodge something that they had always had in common.

Because drifting away, it was so easy to the both of them, but it only meant they depended on each other. And because Tana had not just been split up into two pieces, but three, and the third was embedded deep in Gavriel, a piece that was marred by his blood, his agony, his _presence._

His presence was always with her as she rode through the madness that was as much his own as it was hers. He knew when to draw near to her and when not to, knew when to hold back her hair as she threw up what little she had eaten and drank that day and knew when to smack her. He knew when to kiss her too, knew the exact time of day when he could dangle promises in front of her as bait, as bait to keep going.

Tana told him to write them down, into a diary, so she could read them later and remember.

If she was even granted a later.

Yet Midnight stayed in her mind, not what she had turned into but what she had always _been_ , what Tana hadn't been able for the life of her to see. The first time she kissed Gavriel stayed in her mind too, the taste of his blood, the thought that she might never see him again which was as ridiculous as all of this, as this world, as this place, as Gavriel crouching down into his corner now and watching her, trying to gauge her mood, how likely she was to fall.

Her hand was bruised by trying to push Gavriel away earlier that morning. How much more of this did she have to take? Yet she rode on and Gavriel stayed with her always, as if not having a life of his own for so long meant that he couldn't rightfully take it for himself again now.

"Tell me where we'll go again."

She cradled her hand against her chest and the Thorn of Istra, her very own thorn, crept forward and took her hand in his own, pressing lips that were oddly warm to the swollen skin. Tana felt a rush of something she had not felt in a while: wanting to see Pearl, wanting to say goodbye to her father, to tell him that he had been wrong about so many things, to tell him that she felt blessed saving Gavriel and coming to Coldtown. She wasn't the stupid girl who had encouraged Aidan to push her away. She had known what she was doing all along: feeding on vampire blood, saving the ones who mattered, having to do this by herself and come full circle.

Tana could picture her old life in her mind now, friends that had once been everything to her, a house that could never be washed of its taint of death and shattered promises and choices, a choice that Tana would have to make someday herself. A choice that she was making now.

Aidan had come with her. Aidan was that piece that couldn't be left behind. Gavriel was one-half of her that mattered but Aidan was the other. She could no sooner leave him behind than she could be that girl again.

Gavriel allowed her to fish through her thoughts before he reminded her of what they were. Trapped here. Trapped until Tana drew one strength or another. But not too soon. _Don_ _'t let it be too soon_ , she begged no one but herself.

"We'll go to Rome to see the crumbling remains of the city that was. We'll go to Russia and I'll buy you a burgundy red dress and I'll take you dancing with diamonds at your neck and pearls in your hair. We'll take Aidan and go out west, to be alone in the desert, where dreams can't be stolen away by those who think they know better. We'll go to the very edge of the Earth, to see the ocean, where blood washes away but promises never do." He kept it simple and unclouded because that future was clouded enough simply by giving it voice.

Yet Tana could see it, could see the sunset draw closer from the very edge of the ocean, could see a world with blood spilled but a world that was made light because of it, could see Aidan tossing a ball back and forth, laughing, tripping in the sand, could see Gavriel taking off his clothes and wading into their ocean, spiky hair soaked with salt water.

Tana could see herself too, hand shielding her eyes from the sun, grinning as Aidan's beach ball hit her in the head, taking his hand and rushing into the water after Gavriel, their teeth nipping playfully against her neck but never drawing blood.

One home had existed and that home had left her behind. Pearl and her father were there, with their new lives and with their old memories.

"We'll go and see the world, and we'll make it into what we want it to be." Gavriel ran his long, slender fingers down each of hers, licking the dried blood away, his saliva singing on her skin with light and life. "We'll go back to where we first met and we'll make of that house a home, and we'll have parties between the three of us and play loud music all night and..."

"And we won't come back here," she breathed. "We'll run until we can't anymore and then we'll go back to the ocean. We'll live there, on the beach, in the sand and in the sun. And if I change my mind someday then it won't change things between us, not really. We can make it like that, I know we can."

Tana was at that beach in her mind's eye, but in reality she was with Gavriel in this cage and Aidan was waiting right outside that door just like he had told her. Waiting for her. Waiting for the moment in which he could have everything he had ever wanted.

It was everything she wanted too.

 **FIN**


End file.
